If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
