Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
