I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
