Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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