...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
