woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the condom got lost in my hair
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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