It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
