Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
