You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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