So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
