i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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