Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
