I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
