i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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