either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize