4 words: hood of his car
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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