Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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