And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
