Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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