He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
