Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
