Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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