Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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