You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
