Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
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We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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