I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
