i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
