Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
