I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
