I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
