Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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