i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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