Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
