Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
that is very illegal...i love you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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