I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
