i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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