We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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