i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
