I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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