Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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