if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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