he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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