It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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