therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
