My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I want a musical about memes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
