I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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