That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
