Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
