But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
