Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
