I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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