Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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