I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
