Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
