Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my liver is dry heaving
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
