I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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