I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
