Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
