You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
