Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
