does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
