if only i could text you this smell
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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