I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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