did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
