Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
