you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
