I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I said "one day" and that day is not today
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
