I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
