I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We need a shit load of segways right now
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
