I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
