halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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