I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
