Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
