I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
