now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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