hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..