Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
