whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.