so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
