my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
